ReubenStar

Lieing (applause) Lying is a really funny thing. Just the very nature of lying is so ironic it screams hilarity. For example, how do you ever truly know if someone's lying? I'll tell you all right now, I'm not lying. I don't even know how to lie. I am physically incapable of lying. It's true. But why do we lie? I honestly think that Homer Simpson said it best, "I only lied cause I didn't want you to know the truth!" but it's true! He's not lying! We lie, cause we don't want anyone to know the truth. Sometimes this is for a justifiable reason. "yes honey, you do look fat in that" is not a good pick up line. But at the same time, honesty is t

Pick up lines (applause) Now, there's one thing more entertaining than stupid people, and that's pick up lines. A gift from whatever or whichever god you believe in. now I am a massive fan of the classics. "did it hurt?.....when you fell from heaven?" but I also have lots of fun coming up with my own pick up lines. My mate and I are fans of this one (breath heavily) "I'm sorry, you're just so breathtaking." And I swear on my left shoe this next has actually worked for a close mate of mine "so…. Who wants to get drunk and dance with me?" but in my eternal wisdom I've desided that we can be more creative with our pick up lines. Like, I t

Pen Licence Three guys are sitting on blocks slightly stage left and turned in. They look extremely bored, holding some paper work and clicking pens. Briggzie:  (leans forward and looks at Nick and Mitch) Guy's, I have an unquestionable burning desire (stands up and looks into the distance) , burning brighter than a thousand suns (turns to Nick and Mitch), my burning fire of desire is to tell you (slowly drifts back to looking into the distance)a secret of secrecy so secret that it has been kept secret since the dawn of all secrecy, when man first evolved from a single anebody and walked upon this great land we call home. Nick, Mitch: (Nic

          Chilli and Ranch, Together? SCENE ONE Living room, Reuben is sitting in a lounge chair, located in the centre of the stage. He is reading a newspaper. Reuben: (to himself) Ah…. so Al Gore is related to Chris Rock. (He turns the page, reads for a few seconds, then suddenly jolts in his chair and looks very surprised.) Reuben: (overly dramatic) Oh dear God! A coupon for SUBWAY™! I'd better use this right away! (He then gets out of the chair and exits stage left, carrying the newspaper with him.) SCENE TWO (Reuben enters stage right and gets in line at a SUBWAY™ counter. There is only one person ahead of him. Reu

    Rum Song I finish work at half past nine Head to Kelso's it's party time The music's pumping and the Dancefloor's Ravin' And Kane's around the Corner Masterbatin' I need a drink, it's time to have fun Bir some prick went and stole all my rum! I went and hid it under my bed But that prick went in and stole my Bundy Red! I ask around, they all say it's Nick, (growled) Nick you little prick you make me sick you little prick you make me sick you little prick you make me sick (spoken) So Nick, you stole my rum, you did didn't you? "Nah man" I KILL YOU! (sung) O.K. I gues it wasn't Nick Cause I just had my ass kicked But I n